The colors of the thronging crowd streak and blur upon your approach. Only your movement holds my focus as you cross the room. The feelings I am not allowed to express, in true human fashion, are the very sentiments that plague me where I stand. If I were madly in love with you, I could not speak a word of it. If I had longed for you and nothing else since the day we first met, you would remain oblivious to my obsession. If I thought you to be the most beautiful creature in existence, my thoughts would remain locked away.
Your eyes meet mine, and the contact is felt in my core; I wonder if my secrets are not so well guarded as I would like to believe. I fear my suppressed affections will someday grow to an extent that no room will accommodate them. It is of no consequence; no restraint can tether my curiosity; I am addicted to my own chemicals.
Under the cover of blackness while in preparation for my leave, I pen this humble confession and hope it finds you well:
My Dearest Elizabeth,
For these last many months, I have fallen and awakened on your form and being. Every moment, poisoned and blessed, saturated with conjecture and projection. Attempts to write you away, normally an effective remedy, have only perpetuated my adoration. This wretched chemical imbalance wanes a bit when the moon is full, only to be reignited in your presence. And I know, in time when our connection severs, my affections will settle as sediment unstirred; yet this relief brings only thorns to my throat and jolts of electrified grief deep within my chest. Time drags my soul along the mire and, even in this fractured state, I find cause to grin quite broadly. The universe and its ill-tempered deities, with their wondrous procrastination and anachronistic charm, mistakenly allowed our experience to be forever intertwined. Our energy, though not permitted to culminate, restrained by human decree, is enlightened. That I take comfort in this most beautiful misery is a peculiar statement to subscribe. My most kindred spirit, as Azrael inevitably prepares to cast his shadow upon our houses, know you are never alone in this dark life. I will hold a place for you at every crossing and in each new hour until I am dispatched or we meet again in blissful happenstance.
(I think I’ll have him come back, and then she gives him a hard time at first but then they get together, and then she gets killed off so he can go on a mission to avenge her death… and then maybe he discovers that she wasn’t actually killed, only kidnapped, which is good news at first, but then he discovers she is in love with another man and he kills himself… Like I’m ever going to get around to that…)