I don’t like a lot of people, but I love everybody. I appreciate fine art yet value effort over achievement. The process of life intrigues me more than the end product. I am impatient and a bit of a perfectionist, but I can plan like nobody’s business when needed. I can fix almost anything mechanical, assuming I have the right tools. I like the rain, even the cold, driving rain; it makes the people go away. I love animals. I am mildly psychic in completely useless, random ways. I can sense when something big is about to happen in the world or in my life. Sometimes I draw, and sometimes my drawings hint of the future, but I can’t control any of it. I know people can change because I’ve changed. I absolutely love helping people, which is odd considering how much I can’t stand people sometimes. I have an above average IQ but I’m no genius. I am impulsive.
I used to steal a lot when I was a kid. It was like a drug. It was either steal stuff or die, so I stole stuff. I also broke a lot of stuff when I was young. I used to be very angry and I know what it’s like to hate everyone, but I’ve never hated myself. I have always believed I was awesome. To be honest, I am a little narcissistic, but I’m OK with that; it’s who I am and I love myself. I have less than a half dozen regrets, and even those few things I don’t really regret. I believe life is about learning, repentance, and redemption, not regret and guilt. I have almost died several times. I am not afraid of death and I don’t fear pain. Giles Corey was a true badass. I am more afraid of reading in front of people than I am of dying. I carry vocabulary flashcards around with me and practice them for fun. I am always reading. I use writing to shed my dark thoughts and vent my compulsions.
I have an addictive personality, but it’s not always a bad thing. Once I commit to something, I will pursue it at all costs, and that’s not an exaggeration. It can be quite unnerving for people around me. I can recall typos I made fifteen years ago. I know obscure facts about thousands of topics, but I can’t remember names. I am mildly dyslexic and colorblind. Bright pink and neon green really freak me out. Black is my favorite color. I am ferociously competitive; but, I’m also a quitter if I’m not instantly good at something. I am good at enough things that it usually isn’t a problem. Chess is the only exception. I am not good at chess but I torture myself with it daily. My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest during a good chess match—I love it. I am a recovering adrenaline junkie. My crazy days are mostly behind me. I channel my energy into mountain biking and working out. I can be socially awkward but not always. Social awkwardness makes me cringe and blush and ramble, but it also warms my heart. I have social anxiety. I still sometimes turn bright red or feel like I’m going to fall apart inside when I’m in a group of people, but I’ve learned to cope with it.
I hate advertisements, social media, mass media, and politics. I highly value genuineness and truthfulness. I can instantly spot a fake. I can see right through most people. I am a terrific liar but I don’t use this skill anymore; instead, I use brutal honesty. Brutal honesty has cost me more in relationships than lying, but I enjoy the freedom brutal honesty affords me. I never have to remember what I’ve said because I speak my mind. I don’t think about what I’m going to say before I say it, and that gets me into trouble at times. I was a vegetarian for five years at one point, mostly out of spite because someone said I couldn’t do it. I learned a lot about where my food comes from during those five years. I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day for 18 years and finally quit in 2014. Smoking is one of those half dozen regrets I don’t fully regret. I finally quit because one of my professors told me addiction was a disease I couldn’t overcome with willpower: fail.
I forgot to mention, I’m hilarious. A lot of people think they are funny, but I’m actually funny, like, ridiculously funny. I don’t really know why. I guess it’s partly because of my perspective on life. Everybody just needs to fucking relax. We are all going to be dead soon, so just fucking relax. I comply with human laws and rules, but my experience exists primarily on a sort of spiritual plane that transcends the average day to day comings and goings of human existence. I don’t expect you to fully understand what that means. The closest analogy I’ve come up with to explain my perspective is comparing it with the feeling one gets on the day of a funeral, when everything makes a little more sense, existentially: I feel that way all the time. It gives me clarity, and the result of that clarity is humor.
I am not a violent person. I have never intentionally hurt anyone. But I know I am capable of violence. I would hurt or kill someone if they hurt or killed my family, and that’s just the way it is. I feel sad when I think of having to unleash that energy, but God would just have to forgive me. I would spend my remaining days in prison if need be. Nobody is going to hurt or kill my family and walk free.
I am a renaissance man with many interests and talents. I am endlessly curious. I find joy in anonymous, random acts of kindness. I am a fierce advocate for myself and others. I would have made a great lawyer. I have the ability to suspend my judgment and truly empathize with just about anyone. I can remain objective in almost any situation. If I lose my objectivity and my heart takes over, watch out, because I am relentless and unstoppable; this is good news if you’re someone I am helping, but, if you are my enemy, you will lose or I will die trying.
I am a hopeless romantic. Once I care about someone, I always care about them, sometimes to my detriment. But I can also cut a person out of my life forever without giving it another thought if I feel they have wronged me. I have a textbook INFJ personality type. I am perfectly comfortable with being alone for long periods of time. I like being alone. There is more than enough stuff going on in my head to keep me occupied. As much as I like being alone, I also enjoy social interaction in small doses. I don’t like large groups of people, but I adore New York City. I hang out in New York sometimes. It’s like Ritalin: the overstimulation is calming. There’s more… a lot more, but that’s probably enough for now.
I don’t care about being liked or followed. I write and draw because it is fun. I have no desire to please the masses. Having fun and not pleasing people is quite liberating, I highly recommend it. If you like anything I’ve created, that’s great… I’m glad it worked out that way.